March 2010

"I believe the people and circumstances around me do not make me what I am,
they reveal who I am, just a child seeking the heart of her Father. "

I love this quote, not even sure from whence it came….
But in this month of March, I have not felt like writing or sewing or doing much of anything and then I realized that maybe there is a reason…it is the month of my “real” father’s birth, a father I wasn’t close to, a father I felt I never knew, who passed away last year under very sad circumstances.
All my life, I have missed a true relationship with that father…never really knew if he considered me, was proud of me or even loved me. Just distance, that’s what I knew of him, even when I lived under the same roof.
I've often wondered if my life choices were shaped by that relationship, some extremely bad, yet some very good! And I know that it must have had a great influence “according to studies about father daughter relationships”, but in my heart I know that no matter what kind of “real” father we have, our Father in Heaven is the one who defines us…and I am so very thankful!
Because of my “real” father, I know how much showing love is important, because he didn’t. I know how much being there is important, because he wasn’t. I also know how much faith plays a part in life, because he had none. So, you see, I learned many wonderful things from my Dad! After his death, I found out that his life as a young boy was tragic, extremely abusive and void of love and devotion from his own “real father and step mother”. Just the fact that he broke the pattern of abuse proves how much he cared. Maybe that explains "the distance". And because of that, I know he just didn’t know how to show me those things I needed, doesn’t mean he didn’t consider me, take pride in me, or maybe even love me with all his heart….so I choose to believe in his love! By the Grace of my Father Above…..JOY today and always, b